Week 10 - Storytelling: Spread Too Thin

There was once a woman who was all alone in the world.  She wandered through the desolate streets of Colorado Springs, Colorado.  She was a beautiful woman.  She had long blonde hair and a beautifully fit body.  And her shoes were the second love of her life; Prada, Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik.  She still waited for the first love in her life.  She wanted some kind of companionship, but there was no one around for miles.  The movie theaters still ran, but there was no allure in attending a movie alone.

One day, while wandering the streets, looking for something to do, she heard a noise.  It startled her and she hid behind an abandoned car.  When she peeked around the bumper of the car, she saw two figures.  Could they be people?  Wait, were they men??  TWO OF THEM??  She slowly crept out from behind the car, wary of what their intentions might be.  They both approached her slowly, looking quite curious and dubious.

The two men looked at each other.  It seemed as if they were considering each other...rivals perhaps?  Oh, no!!!  They both sprang upon her in one fell swoop.  They began tugging at her...at her arms, at her legs, all at once.  Finally, there was a loud rip and she was literally torn in two at the waist.  She wanted companionship, but this was completely ridiculous!!! What was going on?  As soon as the fight over her had begun it was over.  Her upper half was being carried West to the abandoned city of Los Angeles and her lower half was being carried East to the abandoned New York City.  The most optimistic way she could think of looking at this situation was that she had a DD-size bra cup that was heading to the former entertainment capital of LA and the bikinis and her fantastic heels were heading East to New York City.

Many, many years later, as the world became populated again a very definite difference could be discerned between the women of the West and the women of the East.  The women of the West had wooden legs, but they had long beautiful blonde hair, tan skin, and generously sized bra sizes.  The women of the East; however, had wooden arms and breasts, but their legs were long, sleek, muscular, and adorned with some of the most beautiful shoes the world had ever seen.

Woman on Stone Beach

Author's Note:
This was my own little retelling of the story The First Woman from the Alaskan Legends reading unit.  In the original story the world is populated by only men and they fight over the lone woman.  They eventually pull her apart.  One man takes her upper half with him to the South and one man takes the lower half with him to the West.   Which is not very different from my retelling, but I thought I might give it a more modern feel by making it within a large city and taking her halves to Los Angeles and New York.  I also tried to tell it from the woman's point of view.  I'm not 100% sure if it worked, but I liked this style/form.

Bibliography:
Original story:  The First Woman.  Reading Unit:  Alaskan Legends.
Image: Woman on Stone Beach.  Woman on the Beach